Like many webheads, I rely on the kindness and cruelty of virtual strangers who write reviews of practically everything sold online. They may not posses specialized noesis of the stuff they critique. They may be hopped up on unreal expectations or may only have spent coin on something because they got it half-off from Groupon. But they're also only regular users similar me. For meliorate or worse they've democratized consumer reports, but they've likewise made reviews entertaining equally hell.

Nowhere has funnier reviews than Amazon, the world's largest online retailer. In part, it's due to the absurd array of products you can buy–from a Star Wars jacket to a toy airport security checkpoint for children to a rubberized testicular exam model, Snooki'south book, and even uranium ore. It's served as inspiration for scads of reviewers, who accept elevated product criticism into a crowd-sourced art form.

Here are some favorites:

1. Use The Farce

Life Completely Inverse rated the jacket 5 stars and Amazon singled his out equally existence "the most helpful favorable review:" "I used to exist an unemployed motion-picture show theater usher only that all changed when I bought this jacket. Now I'chiliad an unemployed movie theater usher with one of these jackets."
Fred also gave it five stars, calling information technology a "Vivid Product!" "I was actually given this jacket as a present after having destroyed a death star. I accept establish that it has given me miraculous powers that i couldn't take dreamed of! I am able to move objects and even people just by thinking about it! Neat for doing chores around the house!"

Justin T. Schmidt "DataScream" from Bryan, OH, panned it, noting that information technology "does not come up with pocket protector, or spare dignity … If you're a whiny, blond, teenage farmer, this jacket is for you. However you'll be forever banished to the 'friend zone' past every girl you see, or worse, the 'brother zone.' But you'll always have Yavin!"

2. Lego Your Freedom …

The production description from the manufacturer says, "The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. Subsequently placing her luggage on the screening machine, the airport employee checks her baggage. The traveler hands her spare modify and watch to the security guard and proceeds through the metal detector. With no fourth dimension to spare, she picks upward her luggage and hurries to lath her flight!"

Hither's what reviewers said:

G. McKnight gave it iii stars, noting, "This toy would exist a lot more than realistic with most 350 people continuing in line for an average of an hr. It still makes a dainty fix with the interrogation room."

Gwen P. of Douglassville, PA, rated it v stars: "What better mode to teach the next generation how to carry in a police state then with a toy such every bit this? … Think of all the fun the fiddling folks tin can have waterboarding those who "detest our freedom."

Others suggested additional accessories such equally "tiny sets of latex gloves for the security guards" and a matching Guantanamo Bay playset, although to be fair Amazon does sell a toy plastic prison prison cell as an extension to the Playmobil Police Station. (Really!)

And the winner is …

Nomma de Pluma "Mofo" rates A Shore Affair 5 stars: "Snooki's debut novel is an oeuvre d'art, one that outshines all of the former greats such as Shakespeare, Melville, Austen, or Pamela Anderson … A coming of age tale filled with romance, love, friendship and enlightenment."

R. Casimiro says, "Grate Volume": "I utilize to be Harvard inglish profeser. I reed this bok and at present forgot how spel and apply inglish. Plot was nyce, had proficient story and hot chicks."

Craig Anderson "Mountain Man" lauds the author's dialogue that examines "the intricacies of social phenomena unfolding around her" while Samuel Clemens "technocrat believes the "book reads like a field transmission for getting lucky anywhere betwixt Long Branch and Atlantic City."

iv. Urine Business organization

Twal from the UK touts Wolf Urine Lure as "1 for the cellar." He lauds its "elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing smashing fruit on the nose," the "effervescent bead–the whole glass teams with bubbles–culminating in a frothy layer at the head," and notes its
"house, mineral acerbity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised compact presence."

Denice Bee from Detroit, MI gives information technology 5 stars. "At last, a Wolf Urine that's easy to use! My laundry has never been so fresh and make clean! It removes those hard to remove wolf-crap stains on our Iii Wolf Moon shirts… Why scour when Wolf Urine does the work? Go two jugs and share with a friend!"

And the winner is…

5. Completely Nuts

Wendy Sherer ("Cosmetic Guru") from Pittsburgh, PA, writes: "Non only a wonderful teaching model, just while trying to find the tumors, I discovered, it acts as a makeshift stress ball! When I am in line at the grocery shop I just whip out this handy little bugger and squeeze away [and] the line around me but [disappears]."

Tricky Rick of Satantonio, TX, says, "finally a product I can apply." "Who doesn't beloved playing with scrotum? I know I do! So does my wife. Merely sometimes I accept to go out the house to, I don't know, get to work or purchase groceries and I have to take my scrotum abroad from my wife's hands. This made her sad… until Now! Now she has a scrotum to play with when I'g not effectually. I besides detect information technology useful when I experience the demand to play with a scrotum other than my ain and don't want to impose on coworkers, friends, family unit members (I said 'members') or our local priest."

C.H. Risk finds that it "makes a nifty way accessory." "They are a real lifesaver on the common cold wintertime days, and the ladies get wild for the polish, polished look."

And the winner is…

6. Business Upward Front, Political party In Back

cpc65 (A.K.A. cpc8472) of Pawtucket, RI, claims it's "so good it has been outlawed in some nations." "Recently leaked CIA files take disclosed that the 3 American hikers who "unknowingly" and "unintentionally" strayed over the border of Iran were in fact each sporting a Mullet Wig – Black. They remain detained in that country at nowadays despite political force per unit area and pleas from their families.

The file besides hints at a covert rescue performance in the works involving a unmarried Special Forces operative lawmaking named "Joe Dirt". Meanwhile equally a diversionary tactic, an Air Force B-2 bomber volition rug bomb Tehran with clones of William Shatner'southward toupee.

Note: Photo of "model" is actually that of 1 of the hikers and was released to the Associated Press by the government of Iran shortly after his incarceration and interrogation."

Michael S. Harper of Bonita. CA, says, "If you take need of a mullet wig, this is a good selection."

And the winner is…

7. What A Tool

SAB bought this handheld multiuse tool with 87 implements, co-ordinate to the product description, "to replace the factory toolkit in my 5VY Yamaha R1. Kickoff of all, when it was delivered I did not have a forklift to get the darned thing off the truck, so the truck driver helped me push it off the back. When it striking the driveway, it left a gimoungus divot in the blacktop."

Silver_diamond2077 threw away all his other tools: "my saw , drill, hammer all went in the trash subsequently getting this . it does every thing and aye it's giant . I used it to ready my sink yesterday and today to install a range oven hood. Next i'yard going to build a bomb shelter for 2012 with this giant swiss regular army knife."

L. Barsky gives it 5 stars, noting that "it comes with a congenital-in hand truck. My dentist told me he'southward because switching over to the Wenger, but isn't sure he tin fit it through the loading door of his office."

Brenton R. Grant III loves its versatility, although "I haven't been able to utilise ours yet. One time my wife found out virtually the rechargeable rabbit attachment in the pocketknife, I haven't seen either i for a week."

And the winner is…

8. Ore … Not

Kyle J. Von Bose gave information technology v stars, "glad" that he doesn't "have to purchase this from Libyans in parking lots at the mall anymore. "I bought this to ability a home-made submarine that I use to look for prehistoric-era life forms in country-locked lakes around my home town in Alaska … The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was buying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, just at half the price! I merely hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aeriform, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwich maker."

Totsubo reports that he bought it as a gift for his ex-wife, who received it "in adept order."

And the winner is…

9. Carpool, Road Warrior-Style

Thomas Dunham "Los Pepes" of Catonsville, MD gives the Badonkadonk v stars. "I'll admit information technology. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the by I've purchased overpriced, and so-chosen "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in x minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made mortar.

Merely non this infant, no manner. This tank R-O-C-K-South! Literally the 400-watt sound-organization keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I'g dishing out justice commando fashion. Wow. I just can't say plenty. And the kids dearest it, also- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I'grand dropping off my kid'south team to their soccer game. Stupor and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!" It as well, he notes, "has plenty of room for groceries."

WelshByrne, on the other manus, was not impressed, giving it 1 star: "Parking is a nightmare, what with the 12ft blind spot. The master cannon is totally unsuited to the task. I attempted to ethnically cleanse my local Greggs the bakers, only to detect that I had been sent 90mm shells when the barrel is clearly 75mm!!!!"

And the winner is…

x. Sorcerer'southward Chapeau Non Included

Frazzled from Kent, UK, gave it 5 stars: "My five year onetime daughter loved this Easter present. She played with it for hours. I'd recommend this to anyone who is struggling to think of a suitable gift for Easter."

Ruben Romero "BowZzr" of Pacifica, CA, wites, er, writes: "The twick is not and then much to grab the wabbit, the twick is to ho'd the wabbit. Wight awm nestoled awound the neck, elbow below the chin, hand cwenching the back of the wodent'south caput. Weft awm fiwmwy wapped awound the wabbit'due south waist, ho'ding the torso tight to yow body. And, quickwy, in ane viowent twist, yous snap the neck.

Sometimes the wabbit will fwop a widdle on the gwound. Yous may not have pwopewly sevewed the spinal chord. This is a weal tweat, every bit a wiving and fuwy mobile wabbit tin be dangewous, wascally even: a wiving wabbit with a bwoken cervix is hawmless then wong as you stay abroad fwum the teeth. When I see a wabbit fwopping on the gwound, I wift my widdle kicking and cwush its tiny widdle cwanium.

And then the wabbit is quiet. Vewy vewy quiet."

And the winner is…

Adam L. Penenberg is a journalism professor at NYU and a contributing author to Fast Company. Follow him on Twitter: @penenberg.